H is for . . .

“Hello Country Bumpkin,” which miraculously made it to #1 on the country music charts in 1974 . . . and which tops my list of baa-a-d country songs! Here’s a sample of the lyrics for those of you fortunate enough to miss it:

He walked into the bar and placed his lanky frame upon a tall bar stool

and with a long soft southern drawl he said I’ll take a glass of anything

that’s cool

A bar-room girl with wise and knowing eyes slowly looked him up and down

And she thought I wonder how on earth this country bumpkin found his way

to town

She said “Hello, Country Bumpkin. How’s the frost out on the pumpkin?

I’ve seen some sights but man you’re somethin’

Where’d you come from country bumpkin?

Questions:

Is there another word in any language that rhymes with “bumpkin” and “pumpkin”? Oh yeah, I forgot—there’s “somethin’”!

How often have you heard someone step up to the bar and order “anything that’s cool”? (Wouldn’t it be funny if the bartender brought him a mug of Freon ®?)

Could the fact that “cool” happens to rhyme with “stool” explain this line?

And then, on the opposite side of the country music spectrum (and it’s a wide, wide one, folks), there’s . . . Hank. 

“No matter how you struggle and strive, you’ll never get out of this world alive.”

So, tell me. What tops your bad song list?