Monday, April 9, 2012

H is for . . .

“Hello Country Bumpkin,” which miraculously made it to #1 on the country music charts in 1974 . . . and which tops my list of baa-a-d country songs! Here’s a sample of the lyrics for those of you fortunate enough to miss it:

He walked into the bar and placed his lanky frame upon a tall bar stool
and with a long soft southern drawl he said I’ll take a glass of anything
that’s cool
A bar-room girl with wise and knowing eyes slowly looked him up and down
And she thought I wonder how on earth this country bumpkin found his way
to town

She said “Hello, Country Bumpkin. How’s the frost out on the pumpkin?
I’ve seen some sights but man you’re somethin’
Where’d you come from country bumpkin?


Is there another word in any language that rhymes with “bumpkin” and “pumpkin”? Oh yeah, I forgot—there’s “somethin’”!

How often have you heard someone step up to the bar and order “anything that’s cool”? (Wouldn’t it be funny if the bartender brought him a mug of Freon ®?)

Could the fact that “cool” happens to rhyme with “stool” explain this line?

And then, on the opposite side of the country music spectrum (and it’s a wide, wide one, folks), there’s . . . Hank. 

No matter how you struggle and strive, you’ll never get out of this world alive.”

So, tell me. What tops your bad song list?


  1. Those lyrics are awful. I'm rather glad I've never heard that song!! There was a song in 1970 called Grandad you're lovely by Clive Dunn - definitely cheesey.
    A to Z of Nostalgia

  2. Oh, man. This song is terrible. :)

  3. Whoa! Put the brakes on! Cal Smith's Country Bumpkin and Hank Williams I'll Never Get Out of this world alive are not bad songs. They are genius in their own right. There are some great songs in country western:

    Some of my favorites are Freddie Hart's "If Finger-prints showed up on skin, I wonder whose I find on you."

    Del Reeves :"The girl wearin' nothin' but a smile and towel in the picture on the billborad near the big ole highway."

    Vince Gill: "It's Hard to Kiss the Lips of the one Whose Chewed my *&% all day long."

  4. oh my goodness, I was trying to imagine the melody to those horrible lyrics....

  5. I really don't like country that much. The lyrics tend to be superficial. I do like it when, as with any genre, they start talking about social issues.

    I definitely do not like Rebecca Black's Friday.

    Good luck with the challenge!

    Dianna Fielding

  6. How about in, you cute little lumpkin. I hate Bubblegum pop.

  7. Muse: I think you were a bit misunderstood (as in "Oh Lord, Please don't let me be . . ."). You like Hank Williams but not "Country Bumpkin." By the way, I would like to have heard a Frank Zappa take-off on "Country Bumpkin." Can you imagine . . . ?

  8. I think the rhyme is sumpin'. Awful song.

    1. You're right, "sumpin'" or "sumpthin'"!!!

  9. Very cute. Fun post!

    Take a peek at my blog if you've the time. I'm a published author of kids' books...

    1. Just visited, Nancy, and followed you too. I see you're in SCBWI. So am I. Glad to meet you.